Happy anniversary to me!

Today is the day. The very first anniversary of me and Gavin. So, I decided to celebrate it a bit. Can you really blame me?

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Anyways, I wanted to give you a glimpse of my day back then. I have written about it before, you can find it HERE, if you wish, but I wanted to give it another go. With some time between me and the first encounter, I thought I might have something new things to say. We’ll see about that.

Exactly a year ago I was in London, getting ready to my first ever Gavin DeGraw concert. I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that I loved the songs. I loved his voice. I loved the lyrics, I loved the fact that I was in London with my brother, I loved everything.

I was excited. Anxious, even. I had worries for I had managed to grab the very last tickets (almost) to the concert, and I had my seat in somewhere very far away, on the balcony.

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Our hotel was very near the venue in Shepherds Bush. We needed to walk like 5 minutes to get there. And once there we saw these huge lines going all around the building, everywhere, there were at least 3 different queues and we tried to figure out what was the right line for us.

So, we waited for a moment (a long moment, that is) untill we realized we were in the wrong line, so we needed to switch – and start the waiting all over again. How frustrating. I told my bro to get the picture of the ‘sold out’-sign.

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Finally we got in, and found our places that were, well, very back, and very far away.  But, it wasn’t that bad as I had feared. I could see the stage pretty well, though. I made a decision to not take pictures, first because I was so far away, and secondly because I wanted to concentrate on the music, not playing with my phone. This was my view, and the only pic I took.

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The waiting was the hardest part.

The most magical moment was for me the tiny second right before Gavin came on stage. The feeling that I will soon see him, and I will soon be in the same room with him. I’m not sure if I can explain. And then, there he was. With the sounds of Make a move, he stepped on. I was amazed, as I always seem to be, for how… you know, similar he is as I have imagined him to be. How familiar.

I sang along with every single song. I even cried a bit. I believe it was ‘Everything will change’, for the lyrics go ‘tonight you lit the flame and everything will change’, and I could feel it. I felt it, that this is the change my life needs. This is the night that changes everything, and nothing will be the same anymore. Not a thing.

I mean. (I’m getting emotional over here now. I miss G like crazy and thinking of all this is… breaking my heart.)

I could feel I was not the same anymore.  I had never been doing things like that before, you know, travelling abroad just to see some hat wearing dude in his concert? I had considered it as a waste of money, or being just something too… irresponsible? I don’t know. Not me. And still somehow being envious of those who did it.

So, I sat there, in the middle of the singing crowd and I suddenly realized something about life. I wrote this right after we got back at our hotel:

I have a pendant that says: “Miracles happen”.

I thought that when I was in Gavin DeGraw’s concert in London today. I sat there when the music played and the beat went on and suddenly I thought about miracles in life. I was thinking that ‘this is a miracle, kind of’.

And it was.

I mean. Miracles do happen, but they don’t appear up and say: “Hey, I’m your miracle, be amazed!” The real miracles are hidden and quiet ones.

The ones you only realize when looking back.

Little things that made you do big decisions.

Fast fading moments that made you feel alive, breathe deeper.

The people who made you feel good just being yourself.

They do happen. We just don’t pay attention.

I was lucky enough today to spot one of my miracles. I wouldn’t have been in London today without Gavin DeGraw. I’m grateful for that. Truly.

Don’t let any of your miracles pass you by. Let’s keep our eyes open, shall we?

It was highly emotional and awakening moment for me, the whole concert. I loved every second of it. I didn’t want to just leave. I wanted to somehow keep it in my heart. I wanted that the feeling of being in the right place would last longer. Because you know what, right back there and then, I knew I was in the exact place I was meant to be. It was the great turning point of my life.

I didn’t stalk on Gavin back then. It was way enough just to have been in the concert.  And my brother wanted to leave, so did I, even if I was a bit wistful over it.

I walked back to our hotel only out of habit, you know. I didn’t know what my feet were doing. I didn’t watch the cars, or the traffic lights. I was happy I had my bro with me, who laughed at me and my confusion. But I was still flying high in my spirit with G. How could have I concentrated something as trivial as avoiding to get struck with a car.

At the doors of our hotel I still hesitated. I didn’t want to go in. I wanted to keep my confusion. Somehow. And I knew that when I go in, the life becomes normal in time again. And this amazing moment will be over.

And it was. But something of it has remained. My respect and love for Gavin, they have only grown as I have been able to get to know him more (not personally, though, bummer). The thing he lit that evening was the spark of my life. I realized that I actually can do things because I want to do them, and that is a reason enough for do them, if you get me. That, indeed, I don’t have to be anything other than me.

Love you, Gavin. Always will. Happy first anniversary!

 

-R


Made a playlist of the songs I could find from that day. Here, if you want to see. I love ‘She’s always a woman’, it’s still the video I love the most of them all.


How was your first concert?

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