I don’t want to be


This song, this particular song was the one that started my journey.

Let me tell you a bit about it.

As you might have heard, I started my degrawement with the album ‘Sweeter’. Soon I found out the other masterpieces, and started to like this song. More than like, I kinda took it as a my personal motto. I kept playing it over and over again, and it still is one of my favorites! And, Gavin’s as well, he has said that ‘I don’t want to be’ is one of his songs he likes the most, because it started to change his life and it’s a very personal and biographical song.

When I started listening it through I was amazed of it’s lyrics. I was thinking something like ‘whoah, I think that’s the most obvious thing in the world and I haven’t been doing that!’ I mean,  the lyrics go I don’t want to be anything other than me, and the point I found from the song is that I don’t have to be anything else. And the part that really got my attention back then was who I’m supposed to be. That was the thing I was struggling at that time: always trying to know how I was supposed to be or act or what to like or what not. I was pretty damn good at supposing what I was supposed to be. Uh. Anyways, when listening this song again and again I started to realize that that’s just stupid. Or better said that if a guy like Gavin could let us understand that he had been thinking the same and got over it, it’s probably not that strange at all – and most importantly, there’s a possibility to heal from it.

That’s the thing of many of Gavin’s songs. They give hope. They give example. They give strength. They show the way. They change lives. Well, at least they have done something to mine.

Later on I started pondering what does the part a birth of two souls in one. I still don’t have a clue what could that actually mean. Things I’m thinking are vague thoughts about having a unborn twin, or some reference to the soul of his music – or being the both ends of the line (the mountain and the ditch) as if there was two ‘personalities’… Or maybe it’s somehow linked to his beliefs and views of life and religion? As you can see, I don’t get this, ha.

And it doesn’t really matter. I love the song. It doesn’t just have these lyrics that made me start becoming me, but the melody and the attitude in it is something I just can’t resist! I keep jamming with it every single time I hear it (even now when I have it on replay to keep myself concentrated), I mean, who could resist it? No wonder it has been such a huge success!

I have this embarrassing confession to make. I have never seen a single episode of One Tree Hill of which the song is the opening theme in the series. But hey, I found my Gavin otherwise, too.

I just wonder does Gavin ever feel bored when singing it in every single one of his concerts? Being released in 2003 there must have been a couple of times he has done it! Or does it work still in same way as it does for me? That when the first sounds are bounced out from the speakers, being immediately ready to rock with it again, happily flying with the banging of the bass and celebrating the chorus.

Or what would you say about this one?



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